Porn, habit or addiction? In the age of the internet, pornography is easily accessible, inexhaustible, and available in endless variety. Despite its widespread use in society, it is rarely discussed. This seems surprising given that there is a large and growing body of research which exposes the potential dangers faced by users. This blog post gives an overview of its effects on the individual, why it is so difficult to quit and the benefits of quitting porn.

The consequences of porn

There are many consequences that users should be aware of. Often, it can take a user a very long time to realise that pornography is a problem for them because the consequences are not typically immediate. Here I will provide a brief overview. A more detailed analysis can be found here: https://fightthenewdrug.org/get-the-facts/.

Although “pornography addiction” is not yet recognised in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), it is certainly possible for a user to experience these key indicators of addiction, known as the four C’s:

• Compulsion – an intense urge to use
• Craving – a feeling that one needs to use, may be physical effects like restlessness or a lack of appetite
• Consequences – continued use despite adverse consequences
• Control – lack of self-control, difficulty cutting down

Furthermore, there are many studies which show how pornography use results in brain changes that are indicative of addiction (this is explained in great detail here). These manifest in a few ways. First, the user experiences cravings and an increased sensitivity to cues they associate with pornography. Second is desensitisation, where a user requires a progressively stronger stimulus to achieve the same effect. Third is reduced willpower, where a user finds it very difficult to say no to their cravings. Finally, when a user begins the quitting process, they are faced with withdrawal symptoms such as cravings, anxiety, depression and sleep disruption.

Sexual dysfunction is a very common effect of using porn. It could be dissatisfaction with sex with their partner, difficulty reaching orgasm or problems with arousal and sexual performance. For example, a male user may be unable to obtain or maintain an erection with a partner but have no trouble doing so with pornography. A common theme among all users is the escalation of their tastes to more extreme forms of pornography. This is the effect of desensitisation, which I explained earlier.

Pornography can have a detrimental effect on one’s intimate relationships. It could be a lack of interest in their partner, or if the user is single, a lack of interest in pursuing relationships. If a user decides to hide their porn use and lie about it, communication and trust will inevitably decay in the relationship. Partners of users may feel less self-esteem and a sense of rejection or betrayal. Users report lower levels of satisfaction in their relationships, rates of infidelity increase by about 4 times (Steven Stack, Ira Wasserman, Roger Kern, “Adult social bonds and use of Internet pornography,” Social Science Quarterly, 85: 1, (March 2004)) and porn is listed as a major contributing factor in 56% of divorce cases (https://www.covenanteyes.com/pornstats/).

Other problems a user might face could be the guilt of breaking their religious or moral values; the burden of keeping their habit secret from the people closest to them; decreased productivity and motivation; and a sense of hopelessness or powerlessness because one feels controlled by their addiction.

The difficulties of quitting porn

Despite all the negative effects, users find it very difficult to quit pornography and one reason is the withdrawal symptoms I mentioned earlier. It is important to consider the benefits that porn brings to a user’s life. After all, it must provide some benefit to the user, otherwise it would be much easier to quit.

Of course, users find it enjoyable. Yet if it were that simple, then a user should be able to quit without much difficulty by simply replacing porn with something which is enjoyable but less damaging, like video games.

Further difficulty comes from the accessibility of pornography. The constant temptation of having the “drug dealer” in your pocket or in your bedroom means that there is very little margin for error. This problem can be ameliorated with tools like website blockers or accountability software, but these are only aids, not solutions.

The biggest reason that so many people struggle to unhook from pornography goes deeper than just raw pleasure; it is a highly potent way of dealing with negative emotions. Rejected by someone you like? There’s an infinite supply of willing, albeit virtual, sexual partners waiting online. Feeling sad? Porn lets you forget about your problems for a while. Feeling bored? Porn can fix that very quickly. In short, it provides a temporary escape from reality, to a fantasy world which is exciting and endlessly novel.

Problematic pornography use is rarely about being horny, it’s about dealing with negative emotions. It becomes a panacea for anything that life throws at us, but instead of healing us, erodes our capacity to deal with the challenges of life in a lasting and fulfilling way.

The difficulty in pulling away from pornography, therefore, is being forced to find new and healthier ways of dealing with negative emotions. None of which will be as immediately potent as pornography. Of course, despite these difficulties, many people successfully quit pornography and experience a myriad of benefits.

The benefits of quitting Porn

Ex-users report all sorts of benefits after quitting porn. Generally speaking, these benefits are the reversal of all the negative effects that porn was causing, so I will keep it brief. Prolonged abstinence from pornography causes the brain to undo its conditioning, so the user is no longer plagued with cravings and withdrawal symptoms and finds they are no longer so sensitive to the cues that once triggered them. Sexual dysfunction (if it were the result of porn use) disappears, real sex becomes more appealing, and intimate relationships become more satisfying.

Ex-users often report feeling more confident and even more attractive. Presumably, this is due to a positive change in the way they view themselves, not as powerless but as powerful and capable of anything, and this is projected into the outside world.

Greater productivity, focus and drive are also common benefits. This could be attributed to the brain’s reward system returning to a more natural state, as porn has been shown to “hijack” this part of our brain. (https://fightthenewdrug.org/how-porn-can-affect-the-brain-like-a-drug/).

In any case, nobody ever regrets quitting pornography, and people who successfully quit are happier. When considering the decision to quit, a user should create a compelling vision for how their life could change for the better.

The decision to quit

The decision to quit is a personal one, and I encourage anyone with even the slightest inkling that porn is having a negative effect on their life to consider the pros and cons. The pros and cons I have outlined already are not exhaustive, but commonly mentioned. Even if someone identifies with many of the cons mentioned above, it can still be very difficult to decide to get rid of the effortless, instant and reliable pleasure of pornography. This person may be daunted by the emotionally taxing and complicated task of developing healthier ways of managing their emotions.

Quitting pornography is going to be made more difficult if there are problems in a user’s life from which they use porn to escape. They will likely see that their reliance on pornography diminishes as they fix the problems in their life, and so it will be easier to quit.

If you are concerned about your own usage, then I recommend that you try an experiment with yourself. Decide on a period of time to abstain from pornography (if you use it more than once a week, then a week is a good place to start) and keep a journal of what you notice, especially when a craving strikes.

If you find this easy, then try increasing the period of abstinence. If it’s still easy, then there’s really no reason to use porn again. On the other hand, if you find this difficult, then you have to make the decision to quit or not to quit. To help make this decision, look inward and ask yourself how porn impacts your life and why you use it; how it affects your relationships, your mood, your self-image, your productivity; whether you see any signs of addiction. You should also do your own research, so that you get a realistic view of what to expect on the journey of recovery and what benefits you will gain.

To parents

Many of our parents did not have access to pornography in the way it exists today when they were growing up. But their children do, and, left to their own devices, they will most likely be exposed to it or seek it out themselves. By age 18, 90% of boys have seen internet pornography, and so have 60% of girls (Chiara Sabina, Janis Wolak, and David Finkelhor, “The nature and dynamics of Internet pornography exposure for youth,” CyberPsychology and Behavior 11 (2008): 691-693). Children are particularly vulnerable to the effects of pornography because their brains are still developing and pornography will mould their notions of sex and relationships. Parents must guide them. This starts by educating themselves on the issue and then discussing it with their children with compassion and without judgement.

In closing

The topic of pornography addiction is vast, and there is a lot more you can read to educate yourself. I hope this overview has encouraged you to think more critically about pornography in your own life and in the lives of those closest to you.